A New Path

I read a blog from a friend today.  The words rang true in my heart and struck a chord within me.  The blog spoke of blessings, of watching God work a miracle on this earth and being a part of that miracle.  What a blessing that message brought to my heart.

My life has changed, for the better, this past year.  I feel like an entirely new person, a new creation in God.  My mind is clear, a purpose set before me that God has created me to fill.  No longer am I living a roller coaster with ups and downs.  My life has settled as God has shown me the path He created for me all along.  My heart sings with joy to be joined with my husband and God on this path.  I see the blue sky and the Son leading ahead.  Even with the rocks that sometimes block the path, I know God has already made a way for Him to clear those obstacles through His grace and mercy.

The winds may blow fiercely, the clouds may block the sun and the rains may thunder down from above, but I know God will provide the shelter needed to survive any future storms.  He will bring the sunshine back, let the rains water His earth and the wind carry the love from Heaven to each and every heart who wants to be swept clean.

I am at peace, for the future, my future, is His.

The Simple Joy of Being Still

This morning there was peace.   The house was quiet inside, and outside surroundings were quiet with the exception of soft bird calls.  Then the showers began.  Cleansing, gentle rainfall that shushed over the roof and kissed the thirsty ground.

Just sitting, enjoying the peace and stillness brought such joy, words cannot begin to describe it.  I wish there were more moments such as this.  If there were, peace, instead of stress, would find my soul refreshed!

The Job of a Leader

I find being a leader rather challenging.  Oh, not because of what would most likely be the obvious reasons of having to get up in front of people, or having the necessary management skills, or even for taking the heat of difficult decisions.

No, I find it rather challenging to be a leader because leadership changes a person, and if you're not careful, what you change into makes you no longer qualified to be a leader.

For me, if you are a leader, you better do an excellent job, or get out of the position.  Now I know there are many leaders out there who are not good ones.  But when it comes to myself, there is a fine line between doing a good job and being a person who is full of herself.

You see, a leader is someone who is not afraid to admit they don't know everything, someone who recognizes they need input from others and ask for help when necessary.  They are the type of person who can delegate tasks to others and be willing to take on the jobs no one wants.  They are the type of person who listens attentively to others, yet speaks intelligently when called upon.

The difficulty comes in as the more you lead out and the higher you become in your role as a leader, the more decisions you have to make.  That in itself is not so bad.  The problem is as you learn to depend on your ability to make decisions, you are less likely to ask or accept decisions from others.  The more jobs you do of a higher nature, the less likely you are to participate in menial tasks.  The more others listen to you, the less likely you are to listen to them.

It is truly a difficult balance of staying humble while achieving power and authority in leadership roles.

When I look at the leaders I admire, they exemplify confidence, yet humility, authority, yet simplicity, boldness, yet sincerity.

I'm not sure as of this night I am happy with my leadership ability.  My role as a leader has changed drastically this year in ways I never asked for, nor anticipated.  I've had to step up in my authority, but am not sure I like the direction I am heading.  I think I need to be taken down a notch or two for my own good.  I've become too full of myself and need to realize everything does not revolve around my own thinking and opinions.

May the good Lord make me into the leader He needs me to be as He leads me down the paths He chooses for me.

"Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love and with loving kindness I have drawn you. Again I will build you and you shall be rebuilt..." Jeremiah 31:3-4 

I'm so glad God is in the demolition and reconstruction business.

  

It's Up to the Birds

My morning begins around 2:00 am.  Not that I want to start waking up that early, but I don't have much choice when the roosters outside my bedroom window start their crowing.

I have this neighbor directly behind my bedroom window who raises chickens for cock fighting.  Cock fighting itself is a cruel and disgusting past time I can hardly believe is legal, but where I live, it is.  Anyway, he has several roosters that seem to never really quit crowing.

Growing up on a farm, we had roosters that would crow all hours day and night as well.  However, they were down at the barn, many, many yards below the house, and not right outside my bedroom window.  Typically I love chickens.  I've raised them for numerous years and always enjoy hatching them from eggs, playing with them, holding them, even snuggling them.  Now I'm getting a bit sick of the crowing.

Since I lie in bed, trying to ignore the crowing, trying to fall back asleep, you know my mind keeps coming back to those crowing roosters.  I can now distinguish about 8 different roosters from each other by the sound of their crows.  There is a young one who hasn't quite got the crowing down yet and sounds more like a dying full frog than a rooster.  There is the "Speedy Gonzalez  rooster who belts out his crow like there is a contest to see who can do it the fastest.  Then there is the "Repeater".  Whenever anyone crows, he has to crow his two cents in, always having the last word as soon as another one starts his crow.  One rooster has a very distinguished crowing.  It is long and drawn out, deep in tone and full of testerone.  It reminds me of Arnold Schwarzenegger, big, muscled, full of himself, and the rooster of all roosters.  Ha!

I don't know quite what the neighbor was doing to his roosters earlier this afternoon, but when they normally are resting, the things were squawking and going on like there was no tomorrow.  They are so stirred up, it sounds like the early morning crowing, when they are at their best.  Or worst, depending on how you look at it.

Peace and quiet?  Not with the birds who live behind my house!

Deadly Monster Dwelling Within

There is this thing inside of me.  This thing is something dark, evil and sinister.  I hate it.  It is an abomination!

It is sneaky, coming out when I least expect it, devouring my good intentions and plans to keep it under wraps.  A song, a fleeting thought, words spoken by someone else, or even a smell brings this horrendous beast out where it has full control over me instead of me being in control of it.

There are times when this monster hides for days, even weeks before stealthily rearing it's ugly head again.  Then there are times when it refuses to be hidden away, forgotten in some dark recess of my mind.  Instead, it comes out in it's full rotten glory, defeating every self discipline I have and pounding me into dust.

When this thing is in control, guilt reigns in my heart.  I become a failure, not even being able to control my impulses, actions or thoughts.  I feel like trash, the lowest cockroach to roam a dung heap.  I hate it...this thing inside of me.

I want to know how to rip this thing out from inside of me, then stab it until it can no longer hurt me.  I am tired of this beast dwelling in my mind.  I am tired of it taking control of me.

I WANT MY LIFE BACK!

A Day of Sunshine

Amazingly enough, even though the sun shines so bright and fierce, the temperature is perfect!  The sky is such a deep blue I can't help but wonder how a color can look so absolutely perfect!

I went for a bicycle ride this morning and the smells of fresh flowers, clean ocean air assaulted my nose in wondrous enjoyment.  After stopping for a break at one of my favorite beaches I was able to watch these little olive green birds chirping and playing in the branches above me.  I wish I knew the birds here, but I only know of a few....for now.

Now I am home, tired physically, feeling weak and disjointed.  However, I wanted to remember my ride this morning, and the joy it brought to my soul.